I Had Forgotten What It Felt Like to Have a Body Free From Pain

yellow blossoms

About two weeks ago, a very strange thing happened. I woke up one morning and realised I had no pain in my body. This had happened once or twice before, but somehow this felt different. Not only was I pain-free, but I felt energised, joyful and light. And the strangest part was, the feeling actually lasted all day. It was totally surreal. I went for a long walk, danced my heart out at a 5Rhythms class, I had lunch with friends and I stayed out almost all day. My auto-pilot thought was that I needed to go home, go straight to bed and brace myself for the epic pain and fatigue that was sure to follow such a “full on” day. But it never came. So after a while I got up, did some laundry, cooked a meal and then went for a night-time stroll down to the ocean (I can’t even remember the last time I did that).

It felt like this miraculous day had happened overnight, like the chronic pain light switch had suddenly been turned off. But really, it was more like a dimmer switch being slowly turned down. For months, experiencing 7/10 pain was a good day. I was taking codeine daily. Then gradually the pain came down and I would simply take the maximum amount of paracetamol and ibuprofen each day. After a few more weeks I realised I was only taking paracetamol once or twice a day (except during my period, that’s a whole other story). Until finally the miraculous day came when I needed nothing at all. Two weeks later, I am still almost completely without pain. My brain can’t comprehend it and is still constantly searching, on high alert, convinced there must be some sort of pain. Every now and again (like when I’m stressed at work) the pain does flare up. I do not stop myself from taking something if I need it. I just make a deal with myself that I can take something after ten minutes, but in the mean time I can take long deep breaths, say positive affirmations and stretch out my muscles. Almost every time the pain settles back down before the ten minutes is up. It’s empowering to know there are tools I can use to support my body to regulate itself, rather than having no option but drugs.

I’m not deluding myself that my pain will never return. Given where I am in my moon cycle I am aware things will almost certainly flare up again in the next week or so. I accept that there will continue to be ups and downs along this journey, but after being at mental and emotional breaking point only a few weeks ago and feeling there was no light at the end of the tunnel, I am ridiculously grateful for this respite. This is the longest period of time I have been pain free in over a year and to me, it is a clear sign that my natural healing plan is working – my body is healing. It is also a much-needed injection of hope that I have plenty more pain-free days to come. It has given me so much motivation to keep going with all my natural treatments. And if nothing else, I know after this break I will be much more able to cope mentally and emotionally if and when the pain does come back. I am truly so grateful to feel free in my body right now, even if it’s only for a little while. My wish for all endo sisters (and anyone with chronic illness) is that they can experience even a few moments of freedom, of beauty, of gratitude, of sparkliness in their body. Because even a moment or two can feel like a miracle.

13 thoughts on “I Had Forgotten What It Felt Like to Have a Body Free From Pain

  1. Chronic pain is different

    You did not fear your pain and weened yourself off the meds

    Pain is read it two parts of the mind

    Pain itself and a coloring agent

    Think about your pain and it grows even if it is good thoughts

    We can use aerobic exercise and our own endorphins to compress chronic pain

    Congratulations

    • Hi Marty,

      Thanks for your insights. Yes it is so true that our mind plays a huge part in chronic pain. I’m attending a workshop in a couple of weeks called Chronic Pelvic Pain and the Brain. Should be very interesting.

      In your experience do you think it needs to be intense aerobic exercise for pain management? I am doing gentle exercise – walking, yoga and rebounding – and that seems to be enough for now.

      • Thanks for input

        My daughter has used a hot yoga practice that is spooked in connecting the breath with the body. She has found a meditative movement practice that works for her.

        It comes down to sensing our bodies. Knowing how far to push and when to push is intuitive.

        Can you find an exercise that raises your heart rate.

        I would increase the level of stress in your practice.

        I hike uphill.

        No strain on my body and it makes my lungs gasp and my heart rate to climb.

        If you can find this kind of release, pain is more manageable.

        Always be safe, and always give yourself credit

        You are taking action in the midst of your pain

        Remember every time you think about your pain, blood and electricity make a wider road each time we go there.

        I do not think about my chronic pain

        Hit my big toe with a hammer I will scream

        Different pain

        I do not fear my pain

        Either do you or you would find an excuse to stay home

        I love your attitude and you taking action

      • Interesting. Yes meditative movement has been the best for me. I’m avoiding stress of any kind! I do walk up hills and rebound daily which both raise my heart rate. It’s obviously enough for right now as I am pain-free right now.

        Great to hear your thoughts. The power of the mind is incredible!

  2. So glad to hear you are finally getting it under control. It’s so nice to have good days and not have to think about all the pain/discomfort that we usually deal with. Enjoy yourself 🙂

    • Thanks kimi, yes it’s soooooo nice. I even feel like I could go for a run right now!! I probably won’t haha but it’s amazing to feel I could if I really wanted to. I hope you’re feeling good right now too.

  3. Georgia

    This is so nice to hear!! Congratulations, never give up, stay positive! It’s happening! One step at a time, it is happening. Wish you all the best and more pain free days in the future!

      • I’m sorry to hear that. I know endo is a terrible, painful disease, but you have great attitude about it! I have been researching, trying to understand how endo fits as a comorbid condition to mast cell activation syndrome, a condition I have. It’s all very complicated, but I did come across information that could possibly help relieve at least some of what you deal with… Turns out mast cell activity is at play in both diseases and a simple mast cell stabilizer or antihistamine just might help. I have a post coming out next week that talks about it some. Not as much the endo role, but if you’d like any of my research or anything, let me know. I’m happy to share.

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